why do i feel disgusted when someone touches me

- Quora Answer (1 of 9): This is something you have learned in recent years, or it has been taught to you by someone who influences you, could be a I cannot be touched sexually at all. One thing that helped was a book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. If you are not aroused, your body is not connected with your mind during the act. Do other women on this forum feel like she does? What do you think is wrong with him? I think I concluded by saying that if she were indeed pleasing her boyfriend, that her [aversion] is what she should concentrate her attention on. What do you like in bed? . Over time, when something is bad for us or hurts, our bodies and minds reject itgiving us adverse reactions so we stay away from it. We had a very strong friendship foundation. I see this as helplessness and not owning her part of the issue but maybe Im being self absorbed and blind. Would have never got married if I knew this would happen. I contacted a friend of a friend who I knew was a model like he was on billboards. If you arent willing to do it then the only alternatives for your spouse is to also do without or get it elsewhere. When we got divorced, I felt relieved and happy at the thought that no man would ever touch me again. And later, I fantasize about what could have/should have been, yet continue to miss these opportunities. So we even started suggesting he could drive someplace like Vegas southern California, Florida, Padre Island Texas. Its difficult to get excited when you feel its forced or the appearance of a body is a turnoff! I was abused for 2 years starting at 2 years old. A nice beach resort for three weeks with the money he had saved we could well afford such a vacation. used something that resembled diplomacy instead of use his fists to get people off his back, we could have had a fair and equitable marriage as far back as 1987. Maybe I just need to give it some time. i am telling you like it is. Once one sees someone behave in such a way, and the feeling of that, its repulsive. - Quora Answer (1 of 2): Thats sad to hear. Do you know how frustrating that is? (I was drugged 3 out of the 5 times I was date raped at least I dont remember it, but I cannot begin to tell you how it feels to wake up 12-15 hours later somewhere and you dont know how you got there and are completely naked. If youre not distressed by your lack of libido or its not interfering with your relationships, it wouldnt be an aversion. The moment that happens I become nauseous, agitated and panicky. I was also able to get of antidepressants without him in my life. My immediate reaction is to get away. very low, sad and upset. My wife and I, have been together for 6 years, married for two- over the past few years, the sex has disappeared! My wife has told me she does not want anyone right now and nothing i am doing is making her happy. WebIt is common that when someone is experiencing a disturbance in their emotional and mental health, they may not demonstrate as much affection as they would at other times. Theres so much more to my story, but the jist of it all is that I crave sex, though Im in total control of myself when it comes to seeking an amicable sex partner. It makes me sad because I used to be the one chasing him around. When we are alone he will often walk up and hug me or try to give me a kiss or grab and rub my breasts , trying to get me in a playful mood. I do not have a sex aversion because i am still stimulated by other females. I experienced sexual trauma my first time and abuse by the same guy afterward. Of course if you want to continue destroing youself like that, feel free. In sexual aversion, she would still love you, but does not have the desire to have sex, or maybe even to not be touched at all, by you or by anyone else. Some days Im not bothered, some days Im horny, but most days, the mere suggestion of something sexual or even an innuendo causes me great distress. Bec I am sorry to hear your trauma. WebBut due to this unexplained horrible feeling, Im very scared to breastfeed my babies one day for fear of them somehow sucking on my nipples will give me that sickening feeling in the core of my being. A sex therapist could be helpful, but a trauma therapist or couples counselor could also be beneficial, especially if you are having trouble talking about your past with your partner. I just dont want to have sex with them anymore, haha. Men are jerks in this arena especially when you did not give birth to their children. oh shoot hahahah, there arent any men out there like that. I have been to therapy, which helped a little but I still have the issues. If you can relate to this article it means you should seek a professional. At what age did sex become enjoyable? Never, really. is also not sexy at all. I cant even enjoy bjs. You also type just like me, hahaha!! In other words, if youre doing things to your boyfriend to bring him complete sexual pleasure, then theres nothing wrong with that. i am not a man haterin todays world keeping your body to yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. Then 45 minutes latter WW3 broke out in the living room His mother was begging please dont hurt your father please some body help. HE Ended up aknowlegding those needs leaving a bloody trial of broken people when they interfered with him. You cant change it no matter how hard you try. I have issues that I need answers to also. Easier said than done, but that is all I have right now and I love her enough to wait as long as it takes. We have tried for three decades now to get him to see that he owed to the community and social order, That they had needs greater than his he had to at least aknowledge. Sticking their filthy fleshy probes and squirting the toxins. She says that she loves me and that she likes spending time with me. My mind and body say no but I have to force myself to meet his needs. The smells and the fluids etc are repulsive. Do this repeatedly, for a week. Its like a betrayal towards your own self. It may be helpful for him to do some sessions on his own as well. I made my concerns vocal, and we both did some research. It is at the point now when he touches me, kisses me, etc. As for her not liking to be touched, I agree that is very common. Also, a number of people who identify as asexual are comfortable doing sexual things to a partner (touching, etc.) You can put in effort and bring back the in love feelings with your true love partner but its not automatic. If you have any family who will help you with the process call on them. We were even separated for more than 6 months but in the end we both decided that we would rather try to fix our own marriage than to either make a new one or live separate lives. We did not know for a year he would not be allowed to reenlist due to the way his mental attitude had developed when he was mostly under watrer for three and a half years The navy even apologized for the wayhe sliped through the regs requiring a certain amount of time without being on patrol. I had the affair. My husband so depressed in 2009 over no sex and no time off in 28 years He developed MRSA in his spine crippling him. Then the affair came. This is spot on. (1) my body took a beating from having children and I look gross naked. Youd think if I was wanting sex bad enough that I could just push this anxiety aside, but I cant! This can cause your I dont know what to make of it, theres no explanation its not normal and its just freakish and makes me feel so separate from society. I was once walking at night to a club when I was about 25 years old, I was clothed from my neck to my ankles (the illusion of me is the perfect body size c breasts, little waist, the perfect hourglass) and then all of the sudden, I was surrounded by 6-7 very very drunk college idiots who then circled me like a pack of dogs (men are dogs bastards) and they were all trying to grab at me, licking their chops, making comments and trying to lift up my shirt I bulldozed it out of there and ran. I have been through a lot of ups and downs and inside outs.. The thought of anyone touching me makes me feel nauseas, and gross like I need to wash myself. And she let me know. It has been such a huge relief! I never experienced a sexual trauma, or any other traumas. After repetitively insuring him this was not right, he continued to do so. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I imagine she loves you dearly. I see the movie I want to see, I eat where i want to eat, I dont drag myself to backyard bbqs with the drunkards.. I am trying to work out the strained relationship with my son he has some mental health issues and he too took advantage of me as far as my giving nature but that is because he is a man and the masculine energy is now contaminated and men are predators. My foot was not off the aircraft ten minutes when we discovered he was going to set back the vacation scheduals for hundreds because he wanted his three weeks the day I flew in. We both have the means to have our own home. But alot of people that have this problem are inward people who dont like to share there emotions or feelings on a dayly basis. I sincerely hope so. I would say, as a female, I would not blame you if you have an affair if your wife will not fulfill your needs. It makes me want to leave him, just so I wont have to have sex or let anyone touch me anymore, I wish this has was the case with my situation. For my own part I try to hardest not to show any resentment because of this, but I know that I fail. It was a problem with me, that was the cause- the effect was derived from multiple instances of bad decision making on her part, and my own. I could theorize that he is also an empath and can tune into me and would never push if it wasnt welcomed, and its just flows with ease, regardless of if sexual pleasure or a simple hug or snuggling takes place. If a person cannot stand to be touched sexually (or any other way), this should be viewed as a problem and treatment should be sought. Does she equate sex with negative experiences? I actually wasnt physiologically able to go through with the act, but this didnt matter. Disgust often comes up in response to poisonous or toxic people, where deep trust and love has been betrayed. And just so disgusted, like you cant get clean on the outside or the inside it just sucks. You deserve to feel loved, but most importantly, you deserve to love yourself despite the frustration you may feel about this area in your life. She enjoys making her boyfriend feel good by giving him sexual pleasure, but doesnt like him doing anything to her. After about 2 weeks, we managed to have sex. No one is perfect. I always do what I want to do, when I want, dont have a feeble man around who is just like another f$cking kid to take care of. I am pretty sure that is the case with my wife. Also how do I go about explaining this to my partner. If you are no/no longer attracted to a person, it can be a very negative experience to have sex with them. How do you discern between asexuality as a sexual orientation and sexual aversion/anxiety as a disorder? I hit rock bottom in every aspect of my life except for how much I cherished my wife. Especially in formative years, such as childhood and adolescence, the brain is creating pathways to understand sexuality. Not everyone desires sex. I know one thing for sure, I am tired of my negative reaction to men and my perspective and attitude about love and relationships. But I dont know how to manage these feelings of sadness, confusion, and rejection and keep going in a positive way. Begin thinking of your partner, touching you, or being intimate with you. On my wedding night (I was a virgen), I vomited when we got back to the hotel. stay single! Not being in love with someone anymore and not having a feeling of making love with someone you do love, are two completely different situations. So i never have at 36 yet.) I was pushed onto a bus 40 minutes after flying in from Rome. But no one ever said you cant have sex in the dark. When my husband touches me I feel like I need to gasp for air. We are not rich but solid middle-class. I had agreed to go wherever, whenever and however he wanted a vacation of his own after our return. but a couple times of that and even then10 minutes would go by and it would be So are you finished yet or.?. I DONT WANT TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE I REFUSE TO FEEL THE PAIN FROM LOVE AGAIN. He has also owned up to his contribution to my negative feelings toward sex. He would have to be the reincarnation of Dionysus. Has your wife stated that she only does not want YOU as a romantic partner or that she doesnt want ANYONE? I want us to be lost in each other. I obviously have realized this is not normal, but until I ran across a few articles like this , I was just plagued with a guilt that was leading me into a depression. I hate coming too close to him. But after hat the anxiety sets in killing my libido and shutting me down sexually. New relationship with a gentleman whom my heart leapt and skipped a beat for. I thought Im the only person in the world living this kind of life. Anger, yelling, lust, porn & lying. I once went to a clothes optional hot springs and went along with all the nakedness but I was thinking the whole time best to leave your clothes on, folks. A good way I can explain it is also whenever Im with a romantic partner and were just cuddling or hanging out on the couch, I feel somewhat threatened or scared by the prospect of being alone with them. And everyone else was to. In your situation, where your wife is not willing to make the sacrifice for you and your relationship, you should sit her down and tell her your feelings. I also stopped trying to touch her anywhere other than her hands. Its a terrible problem really. I am embarrassed about the way I feel and it makes me feel like there is something really wrong with me and that no one else would understand. They may have had one or more experiences where sexual contact wasforced. Due to his nature and personality, he could not understand my love language was very different than his, in addition to many other factors. But she doesnt even consider for a minute that she, or we, could do something about it. WebSudden Repulsion Syndrome is your body coming to its senses. I am so lost. Its all allowed. I just cant figure out how to get back to my normal self. I feel awful and dont understand it at all. I would have never married. I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten. I know if I dont give him sex.. he will get it elsewhere. Now its been over 10 years since we acted like a husband and wife in the bedroom. You are not alone. Thanks in advance! Part of the issue is control if your partner is not trying to touch or arouse or pleasure you, and you are determining how and what and when you do things to them, then you have more control over the experience. Just for a three week Road trip without any particular destination west in mind. Is it normal if I like to do things to my boyfriend but I hate being touched myself? I love this man, yet I cannot for the life of me be attracted to him. If the cause is serious, seek professional help. He just doesnt understand or listen to me. Maybe keep a journal and write down any situations that come up that trigger you and any corresponding emotions that you feel as well. I avoid date nights and sometimes even instigate arguments or bring up topics that I know will lead to a heated discussion in an effort to give myself an excuse not to want to have sex. I was treated like I was as important and worthwhile as an old picture on the wall. She says that she has never liked being touched or ever enjoyed sex with anyone most of her life. Two different things. AHHHHH! I rushed out to this scene. I choose to heal in my own way. Be a loving spouse or be history. Hi KC I completely understand and can relate to every word you said. and forty somethings do this. The navy Doctors said extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation causing a condition resembling extrem psycosis and paranoia. > in 2009 he threw me across a conference roomafter telling him that it was the last time we would stop him from taking a vacation as he saw fit I was crying that we had given him offers of the mid winter time and if hje would have just availed himself of that offer any time in the last 24 years. We divorced after 2 kids and 14 years, and we didnt have sex for the last 5-6 years. Uncovering and dealing with the Abuse has been quite painful, but far preferable to the decades of Limbo I endured. I find myself getting dressed very quickly because I know that if catches me naked, hes going to come up to me and start grabbing my private parts. I now know that I not only dont care about sex but that Ive always found the human body to be kind of silly looking and at times a real turnoff. Although I don't think this is an enormous problem in my life, I find it sad that I can't even stand it when my loved ones touch me. I do not have any issues with sex at all, but I do have an issue with the way people are responding to the commenters. I myself am much happier single. I feel terrible about this.so much guilt. Im so weird! That doesnt works any more. She was beautiful in my eyes. Ive had this before with someone I loved very much, but once he revealed disappointment that he didnt get sex from me, as if I owe this to him or he is somehow entitled, this is where the repulsion kicked in. I left with his mother, and brother driving my husbands blazer to the mid west, he was getting post patrol leave and R and R as my husband went to Banger Washington. What about men like me who have suffered from sexual aversion all their lives? I can relate to every word you said, as I never even explained this condition with my significant other. Youre angry about unresolved conflict. Anonymous (the person above me)that is not sexual aversion disorder. STILL DONT. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. im getting nervous about that day and i cant see a therapist atm. I know this sounds stupid but it feels like it doesnt or shouldnt be affecting me anymore but I guess it still is. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. There is much more than just sex. Things have changed, and Im going to have to figure out how to deal with this. Outracious, right?! So I have a girlfriend and we have been dating for several years now, and she admitted that she doesnt like to be touched at all, in no ways. Feeling repelled may not always be a sign of a state of beyond anxiety, in my opinion. He left for his trip yesterday furious with me that I had not been receptive to his advances the entire week he had been home. Melissa, as someone that has been dealing with this since puberty I can tell you from experience you are doing more harm then good by giving in to his urges. He is still very attracted to me and tries to have sex with me regularly. Everything I say, he manages to turn it into something sexual. Yes Jessica.. everything you described is me and my situation for over 10 years now. Is this not some form abuse? This is EXACTLY how I feel. OMG!!! I used to love sex and being touchy with my husband. I was dreaming of making an offer of a midwinter vacation to someplace like Hawaii, Barbadoes, The Caymans. One, is I probably did not heal from my sexual trauma on an emotional level. I love my partner but hate my situation and often feel tortured by the whole thing. So I just quit sex and first moved to the basement then moved out to the my new garage , shop and small apartment. I think that my problem comes from feeling guilty. damnit. She had a big belly hanging out of her crop top, with stretch marks and all., but the way she carried herself.. she walked confident and talked confident.. You almost have a condescending tone and thats the last thing she needs to hear. Working with the presumption that these things that you do to him are sexual, you should ask if these things bring him to the point of ejaculation/sexual satisfaction?..If NOT, are you, and why are you teasing him ?? To use your analogy, if a heterosexual female is not attracted to another female, that wont necessarily relate to negative feelings. So, you, having patience with your wife, is a very admirable act. Tell her that your needs are not being fulfilled and tell her that you need her to sacrifice some things in order for your relationship to remain. I sensed that she had lost her physical affection for me and I was afraid to ask. My husband never once held it against me or told me hed leave if I didnt give it up. Dont Touch Me: Understanding Your Sexual Aversion, Contributed by Mieke Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C. Are there common warning signs or red flags that I should have seen? I was not molested as a child, but I was bullied and teased by girls from Kindergarten through High School. An aversion to sex as Ive come to believe is that an individual just does NOT have any interest in, nor desire for sex at any level. An asexual person would just not care for sex, without the disgust feeling. My problem is that he was not this way before. about 5 years ago I went outside our marriage for sex. Permission to publish granted by Mieke Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C. I only give him sex, because Im not an idiot and know how men think and they have their needs . No. I DO think that it would be benefical to practice positive self talk. So we are free agents with clear economic boundaries too and no children (both our children are grown up and with other partners). It could also be a fear of imagined pain, which would lead to discomfort that you feel would overwhelm any pleasurable feelings.. The stretch marks and messed up skin from having babies is only a small portion of the issue its really just gravy. She has to be willing to just do it. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. If anyone could help, I would be extremely thankful! There is responsibility. Yes, the same thing happened to me. I agree with you Melissa. It is so bad that I actually threw up after they guy I am seeing ejaculated on me. IN 2009 to let a young man have a honey moon with his 4 month pregnant bride, me and his father canceled his trip on the orient express and set up his first vacation since 1976 to Start on January the second with a 5 week vacation In St Croix He was so mad another vacation to Eyuurope was canceled or not aloowed, he dislocated my shoulder getting the refund backi from me I was going to give back at Christmas, then seven men TSA, His brother in law and his union Minister and steward had to stop him from killing his father strangling him to death over a lousy vacation. WebWhen we are disgusted, we are actually empathizing with ourselves for the awful contact we have had with dog poop, or with the thought that we too could be deformed, ill, or alien. If so, then consider that you may be afraid of experiencing these highly stimulating sexual activities for yourself. Jewel ~ i totally get where you are coming from. Even though theyve done nothing to provoke such a reaction out of me. From 2001 to now its been hell on earth trying to get him to be4 a nice person about any thing. i am not traumatized. If the lack of sex is an issue talk to your wife if you cant find a solution get a divorce unless shes OK with you cheating on her. But.. like I said, this all sort of came out of the blue. Case in point, I am an artist. Sandy, Im NOT an authority on any of these topics, nor learned in accordance. And he stomped out the door after that flat refusal. I was never sexually abused, but did suffer a ton of verbal abuse throughout childhood. I never felt this way before. I do think from someone like this is rare to come by, as most men I have known are just terrible turn offs with the fit throwing and tantrums if they dont get what they want. That came out a bit harsh. It took some time, but I now love myself and my body. I moved down to the basement took care of my sex needs with hand and imagination. Physical contact just feels unnatural to me and to an extent it makes me feel like people are violating my personal space, even when the way they touch me is completely appropriate. Ive met a very nice man, and I dont want him feeling that Im repulsed by him. I get what my body is telling me but its so frustrating. I am reading these comments to try to understand my wife and her revulsion for me. But one more thing..the not in love statementsat the beginning of a relationship its easy to feel all giddy and in loveafter time like a few years things settle down and you trade giddy in love feelings for steadfast solid true love. Please.. just make sure that you have this conversation with her first. I am him! UGH, its so frustrating. I cannot stop him have his life but I cannot feel OK with someone who will hit the vodka and coke at 11am in the morning..I suppose 3, 70cl vodka bottle a week (could be more sometimes) and Guinness (special brew is not an option I cannot tolerate, the smell of the cans when open will make me gag). From this list, you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Seems to be written and from and for a perspective of women. My feelings regarding Bi Polar disorder is that it would NOT be a determining factor in the case of, or willingness, or ability to engage in sex no matter what the conditions are. I dont think you are a freak, but if you are unlike me in the sense that you love your husband (I had a lot of resentment towards mine for his lack of compassion), I hope that you are able to take this information and get help. (Except if you want it to be, but by those standars EVERYTHING could be seen as a disfunction) Not a boyfriend. Over time, he mellowed. Recently, I came upon this article about the topic of disgust toward sex on Psychology Today.. After reading the article, I pointed out that it neglects to even mention the issue of trauma as a source of sexual disgust. i have no feeling at all for sex, i feel like something is inserted in me, i dont know who to talk to and do about it.Its killing my confidence and relationships before even starting a family. I appreciated and respected him but that was JUST IT. they take one look at me and think I am picture perfect body underneath my clothes and I am anything but. Look for the signs. We have been married 20 years and have three teenage children . I feel that sometimes it is best to let go. I havent had sex since, and feel totally like a mis-fit. Perhaps this is the question you need to ask of yourself. Its a choice and takes effort. dooh impression multiplier,

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